Are you in Love or in Need?
By Amir Zoghi
What is the one thing that all human beings have in common, no matter what their skin colour or their place of origin? No matter how intelligent they are or how much money they have?
In our deepest inner core we are all searching for one thing, love. To love and to be loved. Just take a look around you. In every way and in everything we do, we are doing it for love. We are either seeking love externally or internally.
Internal love is eternal and can only be recognised as an unconditional love where as external love can be conditional and identified in different forms.
External love is the love that can be experienced through;
• personal recognition
• being appreciated by others,
• having the approval of others
• gaining acceptance from others
• and even, being in control so you may survive or be secure.
Think about it? Recognition, being appreciated, having approval and being accepted by others are all different forms of the same thing, love. As for being in control so you may survive or gain security, both of these serve you by making you feel safe. What is one thing that you feel when you are in love and being loved? You feel safe and secure. In every goal or ambition that we have, in every dedication or discipline we have and in every purpose and mission that we have, we are after one thing, love. You will either be driving to attain it in an external love which will be in the forms of one of the above mentioned or you will be awakened to your internal love in which case you will not be in need of your external love.
Why do you feel that as human beings our greatest fears are, the fear of public speaking and the fear of death? Public speaking is the greatest fear because you are completely open to being rejected. Being rejected only tells you that you are not receiving recognition, being appreciated, being approved of and/or being accepted by others. Rejection makes people feel one thing, not being loved. This is our greatest fear as human beings, being rejected and not being loved. The fear of rejection is actually the fear of not being loved. The fear of death is again a fear that we will no longer be loved once we die. It is feared that we will not find or experience love in the unknown. Why do you feel that some people feel a need to leave a legacy behind once they die? Would it have anything to do with a need of being loved even after they have left the form of their body and the physical world? Death is only feared if you are not experiencing your internal love, being rejected is only feared if you need to be accepted and appreciated from others. If you have an internal love for who you are being, then acceptance and appreciation would come from within so it will no longer be a need from without.
So life really makes sense then doesn’t it? Why do you feel that people are in search for their soul mates or their perfect partner, or many partners that can make them feel loved? Either way in what ever form you are seeking it, in the deepest level of Truth you are seeking to love and to be loved. Whether you are seeking the one or seeking the many, you are seeking love. Those that are generally seeking love from many are afraid of putting their love into one as they feel afraid of one day being rejected from their one love. So by receiving their love from many, they are avoiding the pain of rejection by having the option to receive their love from many. However the Truth of it is that the more love that you have to give then the more love you will receive and if are experiencing an internal love for yourself then you would know that true unconditional love can not be rejected.
Why do you feel that our natural tendencies are to build a family after we have found the one? We have a desire to multiply our love so we can see it in the eyes of our children.
Have you ever heard of the story of the orphan babies that were part of a concentration camp in World War 1? The babies were split into two different groups and were all given all the necessities required for new born babies. One thing differed between the two groups of babies. The first group was given affection, love and were nurtured but the second group were not given any love, affection or unnecessary nurturing. They were only given the necessities. The second group of babies that received no love died. This story points out that we all seek love and to be loved from the time that we were born into this world. This brings me to the point that who we are as souls, as spiritual beings, as energy, as “Being”, (or what ever you want to call it) is “Love”.
To make more sense of life we can now explore the question of why we are here. If who we are is love then doesn’t it make sense that we are here to seek ourselves, being love? We as human beings are here to seek the love that we are and to be that love. We find the path of who we are by doing what we love. Imagine for a moment that you knew that you were going to die and that you only had 3 days left to live. Who would you spend your time you have left with and what would you spend your last 3 days doing? I know that I personally would spend my time with all the people that I love dearest and I would spend all my time doing only what I love. You see, “if you stopped thinking about everything that you need in your life, you would actually spend your time living everything that you love in your life”.
When you don’t know who you are and you are not experiencing your internal love as who you are then you seek for yourself externally in love. The one catch for external love however is that it is never yours to keep. You have no control over it and it can be lost or even taken away from you. This is what creates an attachment for what you love externally. Either way, a day will come where you will leave all that you have found to love externally behind when you depart from the form of your body through the experience of death.
Your internal love on the other hand is a love that you have within yourself and for your whole self. It is eternal and yours to keep. It is not a conditional love, rather a love with complete acceptance and no expectations. This love is one of non-judgment. It is a love that you can’t run out of, or be purchased, nor can it ever be taken from you. It is only when you have realised and experienced this inner love that you will be able to experience your external love for the love of what it is and not for its need. You see, when you are not experiencing your inner love, you are creating a need of your external love. This is when you are in “need” and not in “love”.
When you have realised your inner love you will no longer be in need of recognition, you will no longer need the approval of others, you will no longer need to be accepted or to be appreciated by others as you would already be experiencing it all within you. It is only then, that you can truly experience love in your external life and not the need of what you love.
“Experiencing the need of what you love is like experiencing the shadow of Love.”
Those who have not yet realised their inner love tend to claim that the world owes them something and they are in constant search of how they can gain from the world. However those who have realised their inner love tend to be giving to the world what they are experiencing within themselves. To receive love you must be able to give love, however if you have not realised your inner love then you will not know how much love you have to give. It is through the act of giving that more is given to you. Think about it? When you are only looking at how you can gain from others or how you can gain from the world, you are telling yourself that you don’t have because you need to gain form the world or others what you lack. It is only through the act of giving that you are telling yourself that you have whatever it is that you are giving.
Everyone has something to give, even if it’s a smile, a hug or letting someone know that you love them. It is through the act of giving small and effortless things that greater and impactful things will be given to you to give. So don’t go and look at your life and tell me that you have nothing to give. And don’t go give with a condition either, that’s not what I am talking about. When you give with a condition then you have a hidden agenda to again receive what you feel that you lack in your life. For as long as you feed only what you need then your needing will be the dominating experience of your life. It is only when feed what you love that you will have more to love.
You have to be able to give love in order for you to receive love and the only way to give it unconditionally is to realise your inner love. Inside each and every one of us is the same thing, love. No one has more of it or is limited to it. The only person that can limit you from love is you. There is only one thing for you to do and that is to know yourself, know who you are being and you will free yourself to do and have only what you love. Anything else you think you need to do is exactly that, a need.
With Love,
Amir Zoghi